Thursday, October 06, 2005
4th job interview in two months this morning, anticlimactic.
Current job situation*=insufferable.
Questioning of life direction: 106 times. And counting.
Theorize: is every project that I work on somehow doomed, weird?
Feeling...martyred, like I am the only person in the whole entire universe who shows up for work. Consistently. Waaaa.
Self pity: the opera!
Hair up in rubber band ponytail due to stagnant air. In new pink granite building.
Wonder again: is it me? Am I the common denominator?
Do I somehow choose projects that get bizarre and dysfunctional?
Determine that everyone is insensitive, selfish, noncaring, obtuse, cruel, indifferent, mean, callous--only to me.
Sort of a feeling of suffocation MAGNIFIED by the hot, stale, balmy air.
Wonder about the SYMBOLISM of all factors in the universe conspiring to become metaphors for my personal unhappiness.
Can inanimate objects conspire?
These feelings, as I know someone (callous, cruel, mean and insensitive) would be quick to tell me reveal: SELF-CENTEREDNESS.
I would argue they reveal a person wondering WHEN things are going to get a little bit better. Or cooler. Is the stale air a SIGN???????????
Must all external factors add up when one is feeling persecuted?
Ear: throbbing. Deserted by insensitive medical profession as well. Along with half the free world.
Time for a double dose of Advil.
Please say tomorrow will be better.
*I love and respect my colleagues, so I carefully distinguish between the situation and them. |
Cynicism is another word for reality