Thursday, February 16, 2006

Cranky: The Opera

There was pandemonium in the house this morning. I went downstairs and MZA was standing there, GRUMPY, and said, “How hard is it to take the paper off the butter?”

And kids, we were OFF to the races.

Here was my clever retort: “If it’s not so hard why are you complaining?” GOOD ONE, eh?

Then he started in with the, “I am so tired of cleaning up after all of you…”

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

Nick said something and MZA looked like he was about to jump out of his skin and said, “Sshshshshshsh!!!!!!!! Ian is SLEEPING!” (We treasure those dulcet, silent times of Ian's slumber). I said, "Welcome to Daddy's kingdom." Nick said, "I don't think I want to stay in this kingdom."

Then I was upstairs getting dressed—wearing a black turtleneck and just my tights; Daisy was on the bed talking about “conies” (translation: “coins”); Ian was also on the bed, all ruffled rock star long blond hair, saying things like “I had a dream last night? It was scary! I was going to Nina’s? And then...”

Nick came in as I was standing with my tights-clad back to the repertoire, staring into the closet, waiting for a Hail Mary outfit to present itself. Nick said, “Hi Mommy!” I said, “Hi, welcome to my butt.” Ian said, “OH MY GOD that’s iss-gus-ting!"

Then MZA was changing Ian and Ian kept saying over and over and over again, “I want my Redskins shirt, Daddy? Daddy? I want my Redskins shirt. Can I wear my Redksins shirt? Daddy? Do you know where it is? My Redskins shirt?” MZA said, ALL RIGHT! OH MY GOD, THE DEMANDS! Here! Here is your Redskins shirt!

I think he was exasperated.

As I was leaving, Daisy spilled her yogurt smoothie on her jammies and MZA groaned, “Ooooooooooo, Daisy!” Which made her cry. (It hurt her feelings). I peeked back in the dining room and said, “Goodbye guys,” and Ian said, “Goodbye Mommy! Have fun!”

I came to work and had The Bad Email from The Client (rabbit pulled improperly from hat sort of thing); followed by a Mistake I Missed on The Agenda.

One of THOSE mornings where you realize that instead of being Jane Fabulous, you are actually a DECREPIT FAILURE with no talent or future or raison d’etre.

You know how it is. The Disillusionment Rhapsody. Which always seems to be preceded by the Delusional Round of Happiness. I was JUST saying to MZA last night, “This project is going really well!"

I jinxed it didn’t I? Just HAD to say it.

Fortunately I bought some Chex Mix yesterday on my way back from the Client Meeting, so now I am drowning my sorrows in a gross mélange of salty weird flavors, washed down with a Diet Coke.

Pass me a disillusionment hanky, wouldja?

OK—here’s the creamy nougat center: I am staring at the two Valentine’s projects Ian and Daisy made, and honest to God they are the cutest dern things I have ever seen. One is a panda made of heart shapes with a sticker that says “Hottie” and the other one is a ladybug with spooky eyes that has a sticker that says, “Kiss kiss.”

Yes, we rely heavily on the poignant treasured totems of love that signify what REALLY MATTERS in this random world that puts too many pretzels in Chex Mix when everyone knows the butter laden Chex squares are the best part. So much time, so little justice.

PS—did you find yourself wondering how fast the Republicans would have eviscerated Clinton [or insert any Democrat—Kerry will do] if he had been hunting illegally, nearly killed his hunting companion, and then buried the story? Hmmmm? That’s all I thought about on the way into work.

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Cynicism is another word for reality

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